☠ BOSSES MY NEW BESTIES ☠ Boss Miniboss Unique NPC Thrallification

☠ BOSSES MY NEW BESTIES ☠

Conan Exiles Enhanced

"Every boss fight is just unpaid internship recruitment with extra head trauma."

💀 Description

Have you ever looked at a horrifying demonic warlord and thought:

"You would look amazing guarding my campfire."

Then congratulations. Your brain is now fully compatible with this mod.

Bosses My New Besties allows you to knock out and domesticate many previously untamable bosses, minibosses, and unique NPCs using Conan’s completely normal and psychologically healthy thrall system.

And by “domesticate,” we mean:

Hit terrifying monster repeatedly with truncheon Tie unconscious body with rope Drag them across the desert like expired furniture Throw them into the Wheel of Pain Force feed them mystery seed soup for over an hour Wait for friendship to happen

Medical professionals are unavailable for comment.

🧠 The Recruitment Process

Vanilla Conan: "This enemy is too powerful to recruit."

This mod: "Have you tried concussions?"

To recruit your new emotionally devastated employee:

Step 1: Beat them unconscious with a truncheon labeled: "Conflict Resolution Device" Step 2: Attach a Leather Binding or similar restraint device because apparently HR regulations no longer exist. Step 3: Drag the screaming nightmare creature across the Exiled Lands while nearby NPCs pretend this is socially acceptable. Step 4: Insert boss into the Wheel of Pain — Conan’s legally distinct version of corporate onboarding. Step 5: Fill it with soup.

Yes. Soup.

Not magical crystals. Not dark rituals. Not ancient forbidden knowledge.

Soup. Step 6: Spin them in circles for over an hour until the brain damage evolves into loyalty.

And just like that: the cosmic horror now protects your fish trap.

HYBORIAN PSYCHOLOGICAL FIELD RESEARCH RESULT:

After sufficient truncheon-based brain damage, many enemies suddenly discover: team spirit work ethic friendship an intense desire to water your yellow lotuses with a drooling smile forever.

⚔ Main Features

✔ Recruit Previously Untamable Bosses Many bosses, minibosses, and unique NPCs can now become fully functional thralls. ✔ Greater Wheel of Pain Support Convert up to FOUR terrifying enemies simultaneously.

Because mass-producing trauma is more efficient. ✔ Fully Integrated Thrall Workflow Knock out → Drag → Soup → Spin → Employment.

The Hyborian Dream. ✔ Boss Weapons Persist Many bosses retain their weapons after conversion.

Meaning:

yes, your employee still owns the thing that previously killed you 14 times. ✔ Lore-Friendly Dark Fantasy Madness Conan lore already contains: cannibalism blood rituals giant spiders taxation somehow

This honestly barely changes the moral landscape. ✔ Lightweight DataTable Changes No bloated scripting. No ritual sacrifices to Unreal Engine. Just weaponized poor decision-making.

👕 Important Clothing Information 👕

Yes. Your newly recruited boss may have entered the Wheel of Pain wearing:

Legendary armor Ancient cursed plate God-tier equipment An outfit worth more than your base

After recruitment?

cloth pajamas.

Because apparently the Wheel of Pain includes: mandatory uniform policies with strict dress-code laundry confiscation budget cuts

HOWEVER:

Boss weapons usually remain intact after conversion. So while the legendary armor mysteriously vanishes into another dimension…

the gigantic murder axe survives the onboarding process. Priorities....

☠ About The Undead Bosses ☠

Yes.

Some undead bosses may technically be recruitable.

Listen carefully.

This mod edits: an absurd amount of DataTable entries.

Eventually every NPC classname starts looking like cursed ancient runes written by sleep deprivation itself.

So if you somehow recruit: an undead abomination a cursed lich a skeletal nightmare something that audibly whispers when standing still

…that’s between you and Crom.

Honestly: if you manage to feed soup to a skeleton for an hour straight, you earned it.

[strike]📏 Known Issue: Boss Shrinkage

Some very large bosses (~20% larger than normal humans) may shrink down to standard thrall size after recruitment.

Yes. I know.

No. I am not okay.

I tried: Scale overrides Mesh duplication Alternative actor setups Copying entire meshes manually Threatening Unreal Engine verbally Staring at DataTables until my soul detached from my body

The game responded with: "Tiny now. Cope."

Maybe one day I’ll revisit giant boss thralls if enough people desperately want oversized emotional support war criminals.

Right now: my patience bar is empty. [/strike]

📏 Boss Size Preservation

Large bosses now keep their original size after recruitment.

If a boss is 20% larger than a normal human before being introduced to the Wheel of Pain, they will still be 20% larger when they come out the other side with a brand-new employment contract and significantly fewer personal freedoms.

No more:

Random shrinkage

Standardized thrall-sized bosses

Giant warlords mysteriously becoming compact travel editions

Unreal Engine deciding that size is merely a suggestion

Their original character scale is now preserved.

Big boss goes in. Big thrall comes out.

As Crom intended. ✔ Safe to add mid-playthrough

📦 Requirements

Conan Exiles Enhanced A truncheon A Wheel of Pain Soup Questionable ethics Extremely concerning conflict resolution skills

Optional: Therapy Legal representation

💬 Average Recruitment Experience

PLAYER: -------------------------------- "You serve me now."

BOSS: -------------------------------- "I once consumed kingdoms."

PLAYER: -------------------------------- "Cool.

Go stand near the furnace and don't touch anything."

🩸 Side Effects May Include

Stockholm syndrome Emotionally confusing boss fights